Douglas and Saugatuck, Michigan. July 31, 2009

The Douglas News…March 10, 2009

”Serving our community when we have Time”

News Flash, just in, a roving Douglas Broadcasting Company News reporter has sighted a wave of Alien Space ship headed toward Douglas over lake Michigan. Could this be an advance alien space fleet, until today folks, there has been just one ship terrorizing Douglas, Michigan, and just imagine the devastation that six saucers could do. Just today alone, untold numbers of local citizens were vaporized in downtown, the SS Keewatin is a charred out oil drum only good for a rib roast. Where are they headed, who will become diffused matter or something unsubstantial or transitory never to be materialized again in human form? The lake is still too frozen for the Douglas Navy to put up any fight, let’s hope that the Douglas Air Force or Artillery can put a good defense.

We are reporting live from our office hidden deep underground in our Alien bomb proof shelter underneath the Old Root Beer Barrel, where we have a established a connection and will continue to bring you live updates, casualty figures, firefighting and defense developments and the like as they become available to us.

The Douglas Broadcasting Company..July 30, 2009

The Douglas News…March 09, 2009 ”Serving our community when we have Time” News Flash, this disturbing photograph was just delivered to our office hidden deep underground in our bomb proof shelter underneath the Old Root Beer Barrel, unfortunately the tourist who owned this camera is now at one with his carbon creator. He was vaporized moments after taking this picture, all we know about the gentleman from the belt (the only article of clothing that was left) he was wearing was that he had a size 42 waist, so he must have been from Mississippi.   Aliens have attacked the SS Keewatin, the old steamer that served as a tourist destination on Lake Kalamazoo in Douglas, the super sized lightning bolts issued blasts with earsplitting noise in a directed beam that immediately set the ship on fire in the fore, aft and mid-ship sections, we understand from unconfirmed reports that the 101 year old ship looks like a pig roast in a bathtub. Fortunately the ship is closed for the off-season, so we suspect that there were no human casualties, except for the obese tourist fro the fattest state in the Union.   We are reporting live from the old root beer barrel where we have a established a connection and will continue to bring you live updates, casualty figures, firefighting and defense developments and the like as they become available to us.

The Douglas Broadcasting Company..July 29, 2009

The Douglas News…

”Serving our community when we have Time”

The news grows more frequent and increasingly ominous as Alien Spacecraft fly over the Douglas’s downtown main street, large lightning bolts are vaporizing local citizens, automobiles and buildings. We have seen flames being zapped from these saucer shaped flying disks., Local reports are coming in as we speak of a crowd that gathered to look at the wonder of it all and were instantly disintegrated.

There have been glimpse’s of tentacled, pulsating, barely mobile ugly creatures, presumably with bad breathe and most likely horrible sanitary conditions inside those smelly spacecraft, some say their Martians, flee before you become charred to the bone or incinerated with Heat-Rays

We cannot speculate about Martian or off world technology but the Michigan State militia has declared martial law and will formulate a plan to attack the aggressors, We hope to drive them back to their god-forsaken lump of a rock where they most likely were spawned from some cesspool of old motor oil and rotten cabbage.

A message from the Militia field headquarters says that the overwhelming force of Aliens, our improperly under equipped infantry, the helplessness of the local civilians states… that it does not look good for us humans

This news service is now hearing reports that the invading smelly stinky invading ugly aliens have obliterated the local militia force. Emergency responders who have hidden their where-abouts have snuck in bulletins about damage reports to the local infrastructure… stay tuned for evacuation instructions, stay to the trees and away from the roads where you are most likely to be vaporized.

Reports have come in about three alien tripods from have materialized and destroyed the library, an outhouse and the local donut shop (the outrage of it all).

We are reporting from the old root beer barrel located in Douglaswhere we have a established a live connection and will continue to bring you live updates, casualty figures, firefighting and defense developments and the like as they become available to us.

The Douglas Broadcasting Company..July 28, 2009

The Douglas News…March 07, 2009

”Serving our community when we have Time”

The news grows more frequent and increasingly ominous as Alien Spacecraft fly over the Douglas, MIchigan’s downtown main street, large lightning bolts are vaporizing local citizens, automobiles and buildings. We have seen flames being zapped from these saucer shaped flying disks., Local reports are coming in as we speak of a crowd that gathered to look at the wonder of it all and were instantly disintegrated.

Reporting from Douglas Michigan