The Douglas News…
”Serving our community when we have Time”
The news grows more frequent and increasingly ominous as Alien Spacecraft fly over the Douglas’s downtown main street, large lightning bolts are vaporizing local citizens, automobiles and buildings. We have seen flames being zapped from these saucer shaped flying disks., Local reports are coming in as we speak of a crowd that gathered to look at the wonder of it all and were instantly disintegrated.
There have been glimpse’s of tentacled, pulsating, barely mobile ugly creatures, presumably with bad breathe and most likely horrible sanitary conditions inside those smelly spacecraft, some say their Martians, flee before you become charred to the bone or incinerated with Heat-Rays
We cannot speculate about Martian or off world technology but the Michigan State militia has declared martial law and will formulate a plan to attack the aggressors, We hope to drive them back to their god-forsaken lump of a rock where they most likely were spawned from some cesspool of old motor oil and rotten cabbage.
A message from the Militia field headquarters says that the overwhelming force of Aliens, our improperly under equipped infantry, the helplessness of the local civilians states… that it does not look good for us humans
This news service is now hearing reports that the invading smelly stinky invading ugly aliens have obliterated the local militia force. Emergency responders who have hidden their where-abouts have snuck in bulletins about damage reports to the local infrastructure… stay tuned for evacuation instructions, stay to the trees and away from the roads where you are most likely to be vaporized.
Reports have come in about three alien tripods from have materialized and destroyed the library, an outhouse and the local donut shop (the outrage of it all).
We are reporting from the old root beer barrel located in Douglaswhere we have a established a live connection and will continue to bring you live updates, casualty figures, firefighting and defense developments and the like as they become available to us.
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