The Douglas News…March 09, 2009 ”Serving our community when we have Time” News Flash, this disturbing photograph was just delivered to our office hidden deep underground in our bomb proof shelter underneath the Old Root Beer Barrel, unfortunately the tourist who owned this camera is now at one with his carbon creator. He was vaporized moments after taking this picture, all we know about the gentleman from the belt (the only article of clothing that was left) he was wearing was that he had a size 42 waist, so he must have been from Mississippi. Aliens have attacked the SS Keewatin, the old steamer that served as a tourist destination on Lake Kalamazoo in Douglas, the super sized lightning bolts issued blasts with earsplitting noise in a directed beam that immediately set the ship on fire in the fore, aft and mid-ship sections, we understand from unconfirmed reports that the 101 year old ship looks like a pig roast in a bathtub. Fortunately the ship is closed for the off-season, so we suspect that there were no human casualties, except for the obese tourist fro the fattest state in the Union. We are reporting live from the old root beer barrel where we have a established a connection and will continue to bring you live updates, casualty figures, firefighting and defense developments and the like as they become available to us.
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